#5. 101 things in 1001 days: Attend a UU church meeting.
As someone who has lost her religion, I still seek the community that a church can provide. Over the past few years, I have occasionally attended church services, but I’ve been an imposter.
I was curious to attend a church service where I could feel at home. The Unitarian Universalist church, while based upon a legacy of Judeo-Christian beliefs, doesn’t emphasize belief in a certain creed.
I felt welcome and enjoyed all the accoutrements of a church visit that I usually enjoy–flowers, candles, music–as well as the message I usually enjoy–love, compassion, justice–without the aspects that unfortunately can come along with organized religion–intolerance, judgment, superstition–not to mention all that kneeling every couple of minutes.
During the UU service, the happy, supportive atmosphere was enhanced by hand clapping to a crowd-pleasing, secular song:
Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on
– “Lean On Me,” Bill Withers
The lyrics fit perfectly with what I long for from religion, the sense of a community of people who care for and support each other.
While the minister delivered her welcoming message, I reflected on my tangled religious history. I was raised a Catholic, but for most of my life, my thoughts on religion have been rife with uncertainty, summed up by this scene from an old Woody Allen movie:
How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how the can opener works!
During the last decade or so, though, I have moved from the uncertainty that placed me in the agnostic camp over to that other “A” word, atheism, which is treated as a dirty word in America.
I don’t advertise it, but if people ask me my beliefs, I tell them. They sometimes will whisper, “Yeah, I don’t believe either,” like we’ve admitted something shameful.
History, though, is full of shame, centuries of outrageous horror caused by organized religion. And when something like the Newtown school shooting happens and someone like Mike Huckabee says it happened because God has been removed from public schools, that’s where some more shame belongs. What must people around the world think of my country when they hear these idiots? I know in my heart that if there were a God, even he could never love a person like that, let alone create him.
Despite my lack of belief, I love the world’s religions the way I love any good story. The ancient Greeks couldn’t understand the science behind the crops withering and dying each winter. They imagined their harvest goddess, Demeter, in the depths of despair at her innocent daughter Persephone taken away by the god of the underworld. I picture an ancient Greek mother trying to come up with an explanation for why the seasons change. She couldn’t, of course, any more than she could explain the death of a child. So Demeter mourned while Persephone sat with Hades on the throne.
A great story. I just don’t believe in it.
Toward the end of the UU service, the minister shared a thought-provoking sermon about pity being the near-enemy of compassion. It was inspired by a mystery novel, The Cruelest Month, which had been the reading earlier in the service. I enjoyed the sermon, and I felt relief that I didn’t have to pretend to believe in stories that I don’t think are true.
For those of you who find comfort in your faith, I sometimes envy you and wish I still believed, but I also wish that we could grow beyond religion. Let’s face our fears of the unknown, and let’s make this life worth living.
Now if only I could understand how the can opener works.
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Link: The Unitarian Society of New Haven
Thanks for BlogHer for featuring this post on its Life tab.
And I laughed at the "American Fried Rice." } – 
Such a thought provoking post Marcy. I could identify with you when you say “For those of you who find comfort in your faith, I sometimes envy you and wish I still believed”. I am glad you found a community which gives your heart what she wants. I hope I will find one here too in India.
I do believe in a supreme power but i think i believe in God so that i can derive strength from some source. I don’t think its different in India either. Atheism is not at all accepted though thankfully I think the trend is changing.
i think this is my Fav post.
Love this post. My oldest went to a UU preschool and it was just so refreshing. I love the way that you describe your desire for a community like being a member of a church provides. I hope the UU church you attended can be that for you.
I’m Christian, more much more often than not, I’m horrified by the things that are said and done in the name of my religion. Seriously horrified.
This is a wonderful, thought-provoking post. And perhaps your bravest. I too find it very difficult to say that I am an atheist because of the backlash in this country. Otherwise, it’s nobody’s business. I’m not impressed by folks who talk about their belief in a god and then act in hateful ways. Thanks for posting this!
Belief is something we can struggle with all of our lives – and also something we change our minds about during our lives. I have been through so many stages in my life. Fifteen years ago, I would never have believed I’d be sitting in any church pew every Sunday and liking it. There were times when I wasn’t even sure I believed in God or I believed, but wasn’t sure whether it was God or just “something.”
Of course, now I am comfortable (and comforted) by my position of faith, but only because I had my own personal touch that I felt came only from God and have seen God work in my life.
When I saw the title of your post before I went to church today, I couldn’t wait to get home and read it. I think it’s great that you have still been open-minded enough to attend any church services and keep an open mind to whatever is out there. But then, just knowing you from your blogging, I would kind of expect that of you.
Thanks for sharing your insights. I’m glad you had a good time!
Excellent post. I believe atheism is just another path on the search to the greater truth within and about all things. As Carl Jung once said, “a great deal of institutionalized religion seems designed to prevent the faithful from having a spiritual experience.”
Thank you so much to all of you for your thoughtful and supportive comments. Talking about faith and beliefs is so personal, and I love hearing the variety of viewpoints and what religion means to you.
Even those of us who still believe sometimes can’t find comfort in our religion. There are things in our world that are hard to explain, just as the seasons were impossible for the Greeks to understand. But we keep on trying.
Wow, sounds like a really good church! I’m a lapsed catholic too, so I hear you.
I was waiting for your “review” of this experience. I could’ve written the same thing…raised Catholic, went to Catholic school all except one grade, totally estranged from the church…Glad you felt comfortable. I may give UU a try myself.
YES! I am a UU and write about my faith conversion from an inherited faith (Catholicism) to an authentic faith (UU) in my book “Swimming Upstream: A Seeker’s Guide to an Authentic Faith” Journey. I am eager to learn ways to reach people like yourself – religious seekers, atheists, agnostics, etc. who yearn for religious community without the theology. I’d love to discuss this with you if you’re interested.
Christie
Thanks. I’d like to hear more about your book. I’ll email you.
So happy that you liked your UU service as much as I liked mine!
I’m kind of an agnostic pagan – when I do think about a Higher Power, I am most comfortable with a female one. Sometimes I think there is a real purpose to the Universe and everything in it, living beings and rocks and sand and water, too, and other times, I’m not so sure. Some churches I am happy to visit, and others creep me out.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It’s been interesting to see everyone’s reaction to this.
I’ve hiked with Trish Herr (up Mt. Marcy, as is happens), and found this site through hers.
I’m not sure what part of Connecticut you’re in, but there are several Atheist groups in Connecticut which provide the kind of community you might like. There’s Conn. Valley Atheists, which meets in Manchester (in a UU church), and the Atheists Society of Conn. and R.I., which meets at the Groton Library. They both participate in a number of purely social events as well. Check out their meetup pages at http://atheists.meetup.com/727/ and http://www.meetup.com/Atheist-Humanist-Society-of-CT-and-RI/.
There’s also the Tenth Annual Connecticut American Atheists Summer Solstice Party, at my house in Vernon on the 22nd of June. Every Atheist in the world is invited. Atheists from all over the state will be there.
Thanks for reaching out, and welcome. I will check out the links.