Bringing my dad to the hospital

Regret is not quite the right word for how I feel about bringing my father to the hospital to die, but it comes pretty close.

My father was a burly, no-nonsense man who wasn’t really crazy about leaving the house to visit anyone. Children should come to him, he thought. That’s how he was raised. He liked to be in his home. He avoided doctors and hospitals.

It was good I was there that night, I guess. I was sleeping over his house because my mother was away, and he was very ill from pancreatic cancer. He had kept his diagnosis to himself for many months, and I — and I think he — didn’t realize how close to the end he was.

We watched a movie together. He was coughing the whole time, and while I don’t want to go into the medical details, the cough became increasingly worse. I had been asleep for about an hour when he came into my childhood bedroom to wake me and ask me to bring him to the emergency room.

After some waiting and forms, my dad was taken down the hall for a test. While he was away, a doctor came by and asked me if my dad would want a DNR–would he want to be let to die rather than have extraordinary measures taken to extend his life? I said I didn’t know.

My dad came back and I asked him.

“I don’t think I’m going yet!” he said. The look of surprise on his face has stayed with me across the years.

“Oh, I think they just ask that to everybody,” I said.

We chatted about other stuff. After a while, he said that, no, he wouldn’t want to be resuscitated. So I guess he did know how close to the end he was.

He never came home from that night. After a few days, a nurse told us that his body was struggling to process the fluids from the IV, so we agreed that they should stop giving him fluids. Even then, I didn’t clearly understand what the nurse had said. They had stopped providing him with food and were waiting for him to die.

This is the plan for terminally ill people? Stop feeding them and wait for them to die?

I could have been better informed. I could have asked more questions. One thing I had to do was bring my dad to the emergency room that night. But I just wish I could have brought him home.

Now it’s your turn. Writing prompt: Share a story about

• something you had to do
• a regret
• or any story about yourself, old or new. Feel free to link up a happy story!
  

To link up:

• Link to a specific blog post (not your blog’s home page). Any post about yourself is welcome.
• Grab the above button, and include it in your blog post with a link back to this post. Or, include a text link to this post in your post. This will let your readers join in the fun.
• Spread the love: Please visit and comment on the blogs that link up if you can.
• Check back on the first and third Friday of each month for a new scene and writing prompt.

Beef Bourguignon, a Daring Cooks challenge

First of all, I couldn’t believe the serendipity of the red wine I picked up for making this classic French stew.

I’m a bit too young to have watched Julia Child‘s cooking show when I was growing up, so my first exposure to The French Chef was actually Dan Aykroyd’s silly skit on Saturday Night Live (which Julia reportedly got a kick out of).

Picking up a bottle of wine in a hurry, I got confused in the France section looking for an appropriate Burgundy, so I rushed over to California and picked up a Cabernet Sauvignon, which was listed as a wine that would work well in the recipe. Leaving the store, I realized that it was one of Dan Aykroyd’s wines!

Anyway…

I made this delicious beef stew on Mother’s Day.

I got everything ready and put it in the oven, and we had a few hours to go out for a wine tasting and hike for Mother’s Day while it cooked.

Bon Appetit.

Thank you to Fabi of fabsfood for hosting this Daring Cooks challenge.

My other Daring Cooks challenge: Maple Grilled Eggplant Goat Cheese Tarts

I also cooked a special dinner of beef bourguinon.

And to top it all off, the boys built me a special “momument” in Minecraft.

I hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day!

#48. Attend a wine tasting: 101 things in 1001 days

• A) Get a new pair of running shoes.
• B) Stretch.
• C) Hit the pavement.
• D) Make a new playlist.

Once the correct answer, D, was completed, I was ready to start. I chose some songs I hadn’t heard in a while that always get me going.

The Off the Beaten Path (and Couch) Playlist

I am happy to report that I completed my first week of running (well, jogging and walking), and it went great. I am using the “Couch to 5K” schedule. I’ve used it in the past, and it is a great way to get yourself ready for running. It starts slowly by alternating between walking and short sections of running. I started on Week 3 this time since my 10,000 steps a day have been keeping me from being as much of a couch potato as I’ve been in the past.

What’s on your ultimate exercise playlist?

Rugged Maniac 5K Obstacle Race

I needed a new challenge, so when this opportunity came along, I signed up. I have a lot of time to prepare, but I am pretty freaked out by the obstacles.

OK, what?

(Source of images: Bob Jagendorf)

Time for some C25K, followed by some I don’t know what.

Have you ever run a race like this? Any advice?

Update: The Off the Beaten Path (and Couch) Playlist

Just Do It Backwards

2012… “Game.”

I bend my knees, arch my back, twist, a slingshot pulled back; for one frozen moment, I’m still as the tennis ball rises in the air. The spring uncoils: reaching high, I connect with the ball and send it hurtling to the corner of the service box. My opponent gets a piece of her racquet on it, but sends it into the net.

Admittedly, it’s only in my imagination that my serve is a perfect explosion of grace, but my imagination also takes me back through the years….

2006… “Huh?”

When we get the news that our new house’s backyard cannot fit a pool, my husband and I think of the small pool club right down the street. “And,” my husband says, “I can teach you to play tennis.”

I don’t believe he can, but I hold the racquet as he bounces a ball toward me. I swing and miss. Over and over and over. I am sure I never will be able to play in the round robins and other events the club organizes. My husband is patient and feeds me the ball. That first summer, I sign up for beginner lessons. I meet women in town and start to socialize with them. Even more than my physical lack of coordination, I have to overcome my belief that I am utterly unable to play tennis, a belief I have been sure of since high school. But slowly, as the summer moves on, I begin to believe.

1982… “Damn.”

The telephone rings in my high school study hall, and the sleepy class makes a few snide comments about my fate as I am called down to the vice principal’s office for a punishment. There is surprise all around. I am a goody two-shoes, painfully shy, and never get in trouble.

My offense? I decide to dart down a path that leads to Dairy Queen with another girl rather than go out to the tennis courts to face a new afternoon of humiliation. I feel entitled to since as a left-hander the gym teacher never bothers to show me how to do anything. When she tells me, “Just do it backwards,” I want to yell at her that I am uncoordinated, that just doing it backwards is not instruction. I am shy and insecure and say nothing. An hour on a tennis court is an hour in a pit of shame. Awkward, alone, angry, disgusted. Tennis is the worst sport in the world.

Back to 2012…

With spring here, I rejoice. I watch myself in my mind’s eye in amazement that I am out there, competing, breaking a sweat, having fun, playing tennis. To quote the US Open, “It must be love.”

Related posts: Cardio Tennis | Going to the US Open

Now it’s your turn. Writing prompt: Share a story about

• something you once hated that you now love
• three related episodes from your life
• a sport
• or any story about yourself, old or new

To link up:

Homemade whole wheat pasta with fresh tomato and basil sauce

These are the steps I followed in the above pictures.

1. Gather your ingredients for making whole wheat pasta: 1 cup whole wheat flour, 2 eggs (use local farm eggs if possible), pinch salt, water.
2. Make a well in the center of the flour for the eggs. Mix the eggs into the flour, adding water a tablespoon at a time until a soft dough forms. I used about 5 or 6 tablespoons of water. The dough ball will be a big, sticky mess at first, but keep working it until it comes together. If you add too much water, you can add a little extra flour. Knead it until a nice, elastic dough ball forms.
3. Let the dough rest for about 10 minutes.
4. Dust the dough ball, rolling pin, and cutting board surface or counter with flour.
5. Roll the dough out into a thin sheet. (Mine should have been thinner!)
6. Roll up the sheet of pasta like rolling up a map, and cut it into thin strips as shown in the photo.
7. Uncurl the cut pasta. You can let this dry if you wish.
8. Gather your ingredients for the sauce. I made a very simple and quick sauce so that I could highlight the fresh pasta. Fresh tomato and basil sauce: 1 tomato, handful fresh basil, 1 large clove garlic, 2 T olive oil, 2 T parmesan cheese, salt and pepper to taste.
9. Mince the garlic. Dice the tomato. Julienne the basil.
10. Saute the garlic in olive oil on low heat for a few minutes. Add the tomato and cook for a few minutes. Turn off the heat and mix in the basil. Add salt and pepper to taste.
11. Cook the fresh pasta until al dente. The time will vary depending on whether or not you dried the pasta. It will float to the top when done. Mine took about 3 minutes.
12. Drain the pasta and toss it with the sauce. Top it with the parmesan cheese. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Enjoy!

Meatless Monday meals

Tuk-Tuk Hell, or Heaven

A description of hell from Barbara Kingsolver’s The Bean Trees:

If you go visit hell, you will see a room like this kitchen. There is a pot of delicious stew on the table, with the most delicate aroma you can imagine. All around, people sit, like us. Only they are dying of starvation.… They are starving because they only have spoons with very long handles.… With these ridiculous, terrible spoons, the people in hell can reach into the pot but they cannot put the food in their mouths. Oh, how hungry they are! Oh, how they swear and curse each other!

(Source: http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1095121)

Or, hell could be our first afternoon in Bangkok.

The four of us squeezed into a glorified golf cart, gasped as our driver gave a polite bop-bop on his horn, barreled through a lane our driver had just invented between two trucks, and inhaled a sooty, smelly mouthful of hot, humid air.

Obviously, standing on a street corner with our faces hidden behind a huge map on our first day in Bangkok could have identified us as easy marks. Lucky for us, a friendly man who spoke English approached us to help. He happened to be a teacher too! It happened to be a special day of cultural events our children would love! The nice man flagged down a tuk-tuk for us, and we were on our way.

When we arrived at the temple that was supposed to have a dancing festival, it turned out we had just missed it. At least another very friendly and helpful man was right there, though. And if we just happened to visit three spots selling beautiful gems, our friendly tuk-tuk driver would get reimbursed by the government for his troubles, and we would only need to pay him 10 baht, or about 30 cents.

We traveled from place to place, always just missing the promised cultural delight, but having plenty of chances to purchase some gems. I sheepishly admit that it took us over an hour to realize that we were in the middle of an elaborate scam. Everyone we had talked to in the last hour–at least about ten different people in all different areas of Bangkok–was in on it. Get the tourists to the gem shops. Get the tourists to the gem shops. Get the tourists to the gem shops. It turned out that was about the only rule that all the locals needed to follow to keep this seemingly elaborate lie boat afloat.

When I got the hard sell in a tailoring shop, enough was enough.

“I prefer to stand,” I snapped, too loudly and with attitude.

“Ma’am, I just need you to sit down so that I can show you our catalog,” the polite young man insisted.

“I’m not sitting down.” My kids cringed with embarrassment at my raised voice and obvious anger. Why was I being rude to this nice man?

My husband and I looked at each other. “What are we doing?”  we both said. We turned and left the shop and were back on the street in a moment. Our friendly tuk-tuk driver started to tell us the next place we needed to visit. If we kept playing along, the government would reimburse his expenses, the story went; otherwise he would not be paid for his time.

“We are all done with this trip. How much do we owe you for your time?”

“But I just need you to–”

“We are done. How much?”

“100 baht.” I peeled off a hundred, feeling embarrassed and obnoxious, and I turned on my heel to flag down a metered taxi.

My kids were mortified by my rudeness and didn’t believe it was a scam until they saw all the details later that night on Wikipedia.

Remember hell from The Bean Trees? Here’s the rest of the story:

“…you can go and visit heaven. What? You see a room just like the first one, the same table, the same pot of stew, the same spoons as long as a sponge mop. But these people are all happy and fat…. Perfectly, magnificently well-fed, and very happy. Why do you think?”

He pinched up a chunk of pineapple in his chopsticks, neat as you please, and reached all the way across the table to offer it to Turtle. She took it like a newborn bird.

The starving people in the story could use the spoons to feed each other, making their hell a heaven.

It took us a few days to realize it, but it wasn’t the situation that made our experience hell. Like the people with the too-large spoons, we could choose to view it differently. The noise, the traffic, the speed, the sights, the elaborate conspiracy: I had to admit it was thrilling. The truth is, our Bangkok tuk-tuk adventure was a little afternoon of heaven.

Now it’s your turn. Writing prompts: Share a story about

• a time you were scammed
• a terrible time that you look back on fondly
• an adventure in a vehicle
• any story about yourself, old or new*

*The writing prompts are now just suggestions. Feel free to link up any story about yourself, old or new. Thanks to Alea of Premeditated Leftovers for the great advice.

To link up:

Travel Bucket Half-Full: Great Walks I’ve Done

1. Bryce Canyon, Utah

I long to return to Bryce Canyon, the place that Ebeneezer Bryce described memorably as “a hell of a place to lose a cow.” I had been five months pregnant when I cautiously hiked down among the twisting, turning hoodoos in the intense afternoon heat.

As truly awesome as the Grand Canyon is, I found Bryce Canyon to be even more enchanting, a smaller-scale labyrinth of orange and red columns shooting into the sky, each turn of the trail revealing a new unlikely view.

2. Volcano Caldera, Santorini

I so adored sailing through the Greek islands last summer and found Santorini, our final island, to be as beautiful as its reputation; I felt, however, a bit let down by how crowded and commercial it was and how many restrictions there were to roaming compared to the slow, uncrowded little islands we had visited. While I completely understood that locals would need to stake out some privacy from the onslaught of tourists, I also got tired of the endless “do not enter” signs everywhere as we tried to explore. The perfect antidote to this was a tour of the volcano’s caldera.

We took a quick cable car ride down to a sea from the cliffs of Fira and caught the ferry just in time. A short, picturesque hike up to the caldera led us to 360-degree views before a hike down to a quick swim in nearby hot springs. Perfect!

We dodged the “donkey taxis” on the climb back up to Fira.

3. Fes medina, Morocco

Rushing through the Fes medina in Morocco was one of the most unique, exhilarating walks of my life.

Here is the description from my video that I featured last November:

As we sped along in a van looking down on the sprawling, ancient Fes medina, my heart began to race. What secrets lie inside its walls? What would I find among its twisting, turning alleys?

Once we entered, my senses were overwhelmed: glistening piles of olives in every hue, squawking chickens being weighed, goats’ heads on a platter, rows and rows of fresh dates and nuts.

We saw linen being woven on a traditional loom, and we bought turbans for our planned caravan into the Sahara.

Donkeys competed for space with the merchants delivering foods and spices in every direction.

We squeezed our way through rows of handmade leather goods to reach a balcony overlooking the tanneries.

The stench was impressive, but we held mint leaves in front of our noses and were enchanted by the bright colors and hardworking men below.

My heart raced and raced and didn’t slow until we sat back in a comfortable riad to enjoy a heaping platter of couscous and a steaming, fragrant cup of mint tea.

Travel Bucket Half-Empty: Great Walks to Do

1. Summit Cheeseburger

It’s fair to say that just about every mountaintop I’ve ever climbed hasn’t made me think of eating a cheeseburger. Nevertheless, I want to eat a cheeseburger on a summit and submit it to Summit Cheeseburger. I heard about this project on Trish, Alex, and Sage, and I hope to make a worthy contribution to this project soon.

2. Bloomsday in Dublin

June 16, also known as Bloomsday, happens to be my wedding anniversary. I would love to attend this event in Dublin some day. I loved Ireland so much. For most of the places I have traveled, I haven’t imagined returning, not because of something lacking in the place, but because there are so many new places I haven’t been. I want to return to Ireland, though, so maybe Bloomsday will be the thing that gets me back.

In this celebration of James Joyce’s novel Ulysses, Dublin holds readings and pub crawls throughout the city to commemorate the character Leopold Bloom’s walk through Dublin during a single day, June 16.

Photo source: Barnacles Hostels

3. Hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu

This one is in the works, hopefully for the summer of 2013. Oh, to make it through Dead Woman’s Pass at 13,829 feet.

• Related post: Up and Down: Travel Bucket List
• Guest post: Travel with children
• My most recent video: 47 Years of Great Rock

What’s on your travel bucket list?

The rules:

• one song a year
• the song has to sound like its year
• each band just once

I made this video to commemorate my 47th birthday. I can’t wait to update it in three years to feature 50 years of great rock and roll. I’ll need some reason to look forward to turning 50.

1965 — My Generation — The Who
During the year of my birth, rock really got rolling with this song. Released as a single and on the album My Generation in 1965, it reached #2 in the UK. The BBC at first refused to play the song because it didn’t want to offend stutterers, and it has one of the earliest bass solos in rock (Wikipedia). Check out the video of the Who performing the song on the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour (1967) with Townsend destroying his guitar at the end.

1966 — Ramblin’ on My Mind — John Mayall and the Bluesbreakers
This song features the sweet sounds of a young Eric Clapton singing the blues with John Mayall’s band after leaving the Yardbirds in this Robert Johnson song. That’s Eric Clapton reading the comic book Beano on the cover of the album.

1967 — For What It’s Worth — Buffalo Springfield
A famous protest song, Stephen Stills said he wrote it about conflict between the police and young club goers regarding a curfew, but it is now associated with the protest movement against the Vietnam War (Wikipedia).

1968 — White Room — Cream
Here is Clapton again in this psychedelic song powerfully sung by Jack Bruce. The song is from the double album Wheels of Fire.

1969 — Up on Cripple Creak — The Band
“Up on Cripple Creek” is from the Band’s second album. I love the live version from The Last Waltz too, especially when Levon Helm says, “I sure wish I could yodel.”

1970 — Get Back — The Beatles
It’s the closing track of the 1970 album Let it Be. There are a few different versions of the song, including a single  released in 1969. It hit #1 on the UK singles chart and the Billboard Hot 100. At the end of the famous rooftop concert, John can be heard joking, “I’d like to say ‘thank you’ on behalf of the group and ourselves, and I hope we passed the audition.”

1971 — Hope You’re Feeling Better — Santana

1972 — One Way Out — Allman Brothers
A live song from the double album Eat a Peach, this was originally a blues song by Elmore James.

1973 — Fat Man in the Bathtub — Little Feat
Oh, the sound of this song! Let me listen and listen and listen.

1974 — Black Water — The Doobie Brothers

1975 — Night Flight — Led Zeppelin
From the double album Physical Graffiti (“In the Days of My Youth … Listening to Led Zeppelin“)

1976 — Sir Duke — Stevie Wonder
A tribute to Duke Ellington

1977 — Psycho Killer — Talking Heads

1978 — I Wanna Be Sedated — The Ramones
Joey Ramone wrote this about finally being in London while on the road when it was shut down at Christmas time and there was nothing to do (Wikipedia).

1979 — Joe’s Garage — Frank Zappa

1980 — Emotional Rescue — Rolling Stones
I should personally apologize to the Stones that this song is their only representation on this list, but I have always liked this song as a guilty pleasure and it’s my way of begrudgingly including disco.

1981 — Every Little Thing She Does is Magic — The Police

1982 — Should I Stay or Should I Go — The Clash
The band came up with the Spanish for the backing vocals by having their tape operator call his Ecuadorian mother to translate (Wikipedia).

1983 — Sunday, Bloody Sunday — U2
This song’s about the Troubles in Northern Ireland. I almost put Stevie Ray Vaughan’s “Pride and Joy” here, but I decided that it didn’t sound like 1983 like this one does.

1984 — Glory Days — Bruce Springsteen
The 80s were a rough decade to get through musically (both during high school and college and during this project) with so many of the hits from the decade either outright lousy or unpleasantly dated to hear now. I really love some Springsteen songs from the 70s, but I needed his help in the 80s. I remember this song, from Born in the USA, being a breath of fresh air at the time.

1985 — The Whole of the Moon — The Waterboys

1986 — Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes — Paul Simon
This song is from the album Graceland. Simon worked with a variety of groups, including South Africa’s Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

1987 — Beds Are Burning — Midnight Oil
This song was reworked in 2009 as part of a project against climate change.

1988 — If I Should Fall from Grace with God — The Pogues

1989 — You Are the Everything — R.E.M.

1990 — Been Caught Stealing — Jane’s Addiction

1991 — In Bloom — Nirvana

1992 — No Rain — Blind Melon

1993 — Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town — Pearl Jam

1994 — Ants Marching — Dave Matthews Band
From the album Under the Table and Dreaming, which gets its title from this song

1995 — When I Come Around — Green Day

1996 — What I Got — Sublime

1997 — Bitter Sweet Symphony — The Verve

1998 — The General — Dispatch

1999 — Scar Tissue — Red Hot Chili Peppers

2000 — Steal My Kisses — Ben Harper

2001 — Bubble Toes — Jack Johnson

2002 — Clocks — Coldplay

2003 — Sad, Sad Song — M. Ward

2004 — Float On — Modest Mouse
Isaac Brock said he wrote the song in response to all the bad news related to George W. Bush because he wanted to “feel good for a day” (Wikipedia).

2005 — Take, Take, Take — The White Stripes

2006 — Falling Slowly — The Frames
A version of the song by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová is featured in the piano store scene in their wonderful movie Once. Here they are signing it on Letterman.

2007 — Paper Planes — M.I.A.
This song was featured in Slumdog Millionaire when the boys were on the train.

2008 — Skinny Love — Bon Iver
Justin Vernon holed up in a cabin by himself for three months and created the album For Emma, Forever Ago, which includes this song.

2009 — Hey, Soul Sister — Train

2010 — F*** You — Cee Lo Green
This video, a final project for a sign language class, really captures the spirit of the song.

2011 — Somebody That I Used to Know — Gotye
The video for this song was cool, and these other videos are worth checking out, too: an unusual cover with five people playing one guitar, and a hilarious parody of the cover. “Now and then we like to play one guitar together….”

2012 — Danse Caribe — Andrew Bird
Performed on the Colbert Report‘s site: “Hello there, tech-savvy youth demographic. This isn’t on television; that’s for the old people….”

—

You may also like:

• 50 Greatest Rock Songs
• In the Days of My Youth: Listening to Led Zeppelin
• Love in a Mixtape

What is your favorite decade for rock music? Do you love any of these songs?